IMDB’s recommendations for if you like my film, ‘Shredder’

IMDB puts together recommendations for all the movies listed on their site. Since Shredder is now listed on there, they put some up for it. I have reviewed their relevance:

1. Mr. Holland’s Opus
I was actually just thinking about this movie the other day. I saw it when I was a kid and barely remember it. I know his son goes deaf because of a loud parade. A really loud alarm blares during it, I think. Or maybe the loud parade was foreshadowing. I can’t remember. Either the alarm made the kid deaf, or the kid not responding to the alarm was foreshadowing that he is deaf. Something like that. Either way, this movie has nothing to do with Shredder. But I wanna see it again, and since I was just thinking about it the other day, maybe the algorithm is psychic. I’ll give this recommendation a C+ because of the psychic factor.

2. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
I like this movie a lot. The guy that directed it did Raising Victor Vargas, which was fantastic. This is good too. I’m a sucker for Kat Dennings, dude. I wanna work with her so bad. She’s a very natural actor and she doesn’t look like anybody else– which is basically my criteria for what actors I wanna work with. Would love to work with Michael Cera too for that same reason. I’d say this is a damn fine recommendation by algorithm. Particularly since I now suspect algorithm may be able to tell the future, since I’ve had a horror movie idea for a while now that Kat Dennings would be perfect for as the lead– so it’s possible I may work with her one day. B+

3. Walk the Line
This movie is so fucking funny. Anyone who didn’t enjoy Walk Hard (which is also hilarious) needs to go back and watch Walk The Line, then re-watch Walk Hard. But whatever you do, don’t watch the Walk Hard extended cut. A few funny things are added but the pace is totally off and most of the jokes added are shit.

Back to Walk the Line, though– Walk The Line is one of those movies that comes out and already feels dated. It feels like the kinda movie that would’ve came out around the time of Forrest Gump. I love movies like that though– movies that are dead serious, overacted, unintentional comedies. Scent of a Woman is like that. Scent of a Woman is one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. I quote it all the time. I’ll give this recommendation a B- because it’s not really like Shredder at all, but sorta is if you squint, since both Shredder and Walk The Line are pretty funny– though Shredder was intended as such.

4. Sideways
Sideways is good, man. I like that shit. When that came out it was really well-reviewed and well-received by audiences, but nobody talks about that movie anymore. Which is a shame, because it’s a very memorable movie. I’ve only seen it once, years and years ago, but I remember so many parts of it very vividly. That’s a testament to a good movie, I think. I can only hope Shredder affects audiences the same way. Maybe the algorithm is trying to tell me that it will. What a kind algorithm! I’ll give this one an A+ for kindness, because kindness goes a long way with me.

5. Crossroads
Yeah, the fucking Britney Spears one. Not the Walter Hill/Ralph Macchio one that I’ve always meant to watch but never got around to. Walter Hill is such a good fucking director, dude. So creative and twisted and brilliant but not really remembered or revered– kinda like Larry Cohen in that regard. But anyway, this ain’t even about Walter Hill, because that bastard algorithm didn’t even pick the right fucking Crossroads. We could’ve been able to wax poetic about Walter Hill until the cows come home, but no, we have to talk about Tamra (Fucking) Davis, who directed the Britney Spears Crossroads. Before that one, she directed CB4 and Billy Madison and Half Baked. Three movies with terrible acting from very funny people. So fuck her, because she obviously can’t direct. And fuck the algorithm– we were just get along and then you gotta do me like this? F-

6. Dan in Real Life
This movie was GREAT. When this came out the trailers and TV spots and poster were all absolutely terrible. But I got a free ticket to an advance screening of it, and figured what the heck, I’ll check it out. I was blown away– really fun movie and very genuinely sweet. The kind of movie you can throw on around the holidays. Directed by the dude who did Pieces of April, another good one, albeit one you don’t really need to see more than once. However this movie has nothing to do with Shredder whatsoever. But I’ll assume the algorithm tossed me this one to prove it still loves me and knows what lies in my mind. B+

7. The Good Humor Man
No idea what the fuck this is but it’s got my boys Jorge Garcia, Jason Segal, and James Ransone. Looks pretty fucking bad though. D+

8. Big Bully
Really weird fucking movie. Very dark towards the end. I used to catch some of this occasionally on HBO as youth. It’s not very good, but it’s not terrible. It has a Cable Guy sort of vibe in parts, which is nice. But there’s no real reason to watch this movie, since Little Giants is so similar and lightyears better. What’s creepiest is I caught this on TV randomly around the time I was shooting Shredder. Algorithm, you sly motherfucker. C+ for spying on me while I was eating a veggie burger and channel surfing.

9. High School Record
No clue what this is.  Never heard of it. Apparently it did alright at Sundance. Maybe this is a sign from algorithm that I’ll get into Sundance and do well? Stupid algorithm. My film wasn’t completed in time for submission. F-

10. She’ll Be Alright
No idea what the hell this is. There’s no real information on it. Maybe algorithm is sending me a message through the title? Who do I know that’s in trouble and is a girl? Not really anyone I can think of. Maybe it’s referring to my film as a she, like how people refer to planes or cars as ‘she’. Algorithm must be telling me that my film will do well! A++++++++++++

In Conclusion:
Algorithms are the shit.

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